Fatherhood - The Islamic Perspective

Afraz Aziz, MAI Student

In today's short message, I'll be sharing some thoughts with you on the concept of fatherhood from the Islamic perspective. The Prophet (SAS) said, "The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of one's father and the anger of the Lord is in the anger of one's father."

Islam is a complete code of life and gives guidance with regard to every aspect of life. A clear guidance as to how family structure should be built is outlined in detail in Islam. As such, women do not compete with men rather men and women complement one another. So, in addition to the mother, the role of the father is also very significant in a Muslim family.

A father is not just a breadwinner, but also a teacher, guide, mentor, and shepherd of the entire family. The roles of mothers and fathers have been clearly outlined and assigned in a Prophetic tradition which states, "Everyone of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband's home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, everyone of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock."

Islam encourages us to show continuous kindness, respect, care, and concern toward fathers as it can often be difficult to keep a steady balance between working, taking care of a household, and fulfilling the many roles of a father. Abu Huraira (RAA), always encouraged other people to be kind and good to their parents. One day, he saw two men walking together and inquired of the younger one, "Who is this man to you?" to which the young man replied, "He is my father". Abu Hurairah advised him by saying, "Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not sit before your father does."

There is much emphasis taught in Islam on the intention behind any action. This being the case, a Muslim father must check his intentions and ask himself several questions such as: Why did I get married? Why do I want children? It will be unjust if a father were to restrict his role as a mere breadwinner and not give sufficient time to his children.

From an Islamic perspective, for fathers not to spend quality time with their children is unacceptable. This is because fathers are not only responsible for providing the living expenses for their children but are also responsible for taking care of their moral, ethical, and spiritual development. 

• A father must promote Islamic morality by demonstrating to his children the values of truthfulness, kindness, keeping trusts, leniency, generosity, spreading greetings, charitable treatment, and fulfilling financial commitments. 
• He must also teach his children to refrain from lying, betraying, harboring envy, hate or contempt toward others, cruelty, greed, and stinginess. 
• He has to be a role model for his children. After all, the Prophet (SAS) was sent to perfect noble qualities and morals for he said: "Verily, I was sent for no other reason except to perfect the noble traits of character."

The father needs to sit with his children, eat with them, take them to the masjid, read Quran with them, ask them about their school and about their friends, and be conscious about imparting them with knowledge that is based on Islamic morals, values, and teachings. There is no benefit for a father if his child goes to the best institution of higher learning but is unable to recite the opening verses of the Quran.

Also, success for a Muslim father is not dependent on his being financially rich or poor. A father who is rich financially but has children who are ignorant about Islam is in fact poor and is most likely to lose his children. A father who is poor financially but has children who are knowledgeable about Islam and who practice Islam in their daily lives is indeed rich. Virtuous children pray for their parents even after they have passed away, and thus become a source of perpetual charity (sadaqa jariya) for their parents.

Oftentimes, we have poor relationships with our children. There is lack of dialogue, tenderness, and affection. We need to creatively tap into Islamic values for solutions because that is what Muslim families are most likely to be receptive to. The Prophet Muhammad (SAS) himself was a role model as a father. When his own daughter would come to him, he would stand up out of respect for her and kiss her on her forehead. We have forgotten these aspects of the Prophetic example.

How a father lovingly teaches and counsels his son about good conduct and behavior is brought forth beautifully in the Qur'an in the story of the wise sage Luqman.

And remember when Luqman said to his son, while advising him, "0 my dear son! Never associate anything with Allah in worship, for associating others with Him is  truly the worst of all wrongs. (Luqman, 31:13) 

The next advice Luqman gave to his son was to keep the prayers (salah) established, and forbid others from whatever is evil (ma'roof), to enjoin others to whatever is good (munkar).

"0 my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good and forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely this is something which requires firm resolve. (Luqman, 31:17)

Another gem of advice that Luqman gives to his loving son is:  

And do not turn your cheek away from people with scorn or pride and do not walk proudly and haughtily on the earth, for Allah does not like anyone who is self- conceited, and boastful. Be modest in your gait and keep your voice low. Indeed, the most unpleasant of all the voices is the braying of the ass. (Luqman, 31:18-19)

Brothers and sisters! Grown up children have to be treated in a friendly way and made to feel responsible. Young boys and young girls have a tendency to be independent, oversensitive, and sometimes even rebellious. The father should diminish the sense of authority in his speech and actions and regard the child from a different perspective. The youth's ideas must be respected and never undermined or ridiculed. Thus, the child is given a chance to confide in him in case of troubles or decision-making.

There is a story that explains the best gift one can give to one's father to make him happy. A young man asked a scholar how he could make his father happy. He was expecting that the scholar will tell him to buy an expensive gift for his father, but instead the scholar surprised the young man and told him that the best gift he could give to his father was that he became an obedient and righteous child. That will make his father the happiest person on earth. The scholar said that if the children only knew how much parents suffered from the disobedience of their offspring, when they see them going astray, then their obedience to their parents was the best gift ever to give to them.

In conclusion, showing gratitude and dutifulness to parents should not be confined to one day out of the year because being dutiful to parents is not confined to a specific time. It is an obligation that should be observed all of the time. In Islam, every day is a Mother's Day and every day is a Father's Day.

Allah Says:

Worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him. And be good to your parents.(an-Nisa, 4:36)

Rabbir hamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanee sagheera

'My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was small. (al-lsra, 17:24).

Allahumma Ameen